Thoughts

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“There is so much I want to do. I’m brimming with thoughts of things I want to create… I chase after every image that flies out. I catch them, battle them, and consume them after sampling each flavor. I name and return them to where they ought to be [over and over]. It requires so much time.

I want to open all these boxes, but a mortal life span is too short to do such a thing. A single lifetime limits how many boxes you can open.”

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When I was in the middle of watching Honey & Clover a few years ago, I had to rewatch episode six of the second series because Hanamoto Hagumi’s comments about the human limitation of turning creative ideas into reality had hit me so hard. Her reference to all of those boxes are thoughts in her mind and her inability to open them all as she hopes to within her lifetime. Little did I know a few years later after watching that particular episode would it hit me again so close to home. That I would frantically trying to understand what boxes I should open, and those that should remain closed.

I recently lost a loved one. The idea of mortality was never something I figured I would think about so much until recently. It made me think of habits, of change, of the way we go about our lives everyday and those who always remind us to make the most of the moments we live in instead of the destination we will arrive at. Too many directions, I thought, plagued my sense of progress, of accomplishment. Where did I need to start? When did I need to begin? And when I eventually picked up the pace, was I even doing it right?

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I’m sharing this photo again because as simple and unstaged as it was, it evokes the same sense of strife that was brewing in Hagumi’s mind in Honey & Clover as it does about my current direction with my recent endeavors. There are plans to expand my capabilities as a photographer, plans to increase my technical knowledge in the workplace, plans to pick up the author’s pen and share thoughts once more about the shows I love to watch so much, plans to move; I don’t recall having this many potential turning points in my life all at once in such a short time. It seemed about as overwhelming as guessing the true number of paper cranes in that clear display case we stumbled upon and the effort it took to create them. Yet where the sense of suffocation exists, so too does the sense of immense gratitude of where I am today. Of the people in my life, the organizations that help me evaluate where my potential still lies in, and the hobbies that keep me entertained and active, I should never forget that it really isn’t about the end result of the paper crane case, the digital negatives from my camera, the unopened boxes in a vast plane of ideas, etc. At some point, we have to stop and enjoy the view, and make the most of what springs forth from the boxes we already managed to open.

Today, I’ll be opening up some more metaphoric boxes. I’ll be attending a cultural fair that didn’t quite prove itself last year, so I will be keeping expectations of my event coverage fairly low. On the anime front, several shows this season are now on their second episode, so my series introductions should start to be released over the coming days. It has been a while since I’ve done either and I’ve been pretty tough on myself to meet personal deadlines, but I should never forget that these are things I love to do and share with you all. That said, thank you for visiting, taking the time to listen to my thoughts, and for continuing to come back for more. I look forward to another strong few months this year and am excited to continue into next year with great momentum.

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